Learning to Forgive Yourself

Posted on October 23rd, 2025

October is the month of Mental Health Awareness, Domestic Violence Awareness, and Breast Cancer Awareness. Interestingly all three can be true for a human at one time. In fact one can give an opening to the other.

Releasing what’s heavy to create space for what’s real. “You can’t heal in love if you’re still defending your wounds.”

Domestic Violence aftermath looks like a house full of suicidal children who are siblings yet still bully each other for being suicidal or even one child who lashes out at the mom who was a co-vitcim. Sounds illogical right?

The main culprit is the father. He gets the outcries and outreaches of forgiveness and love.

The main victims are the older two daughters one molested and both regularly beat yet they are the main bullies towards the younger sisters. One of the older sisters even bends over backwards to make amends with her father after he almost killed her four years before.

That incident led to the divorce of her parents and a mental health meltdown amongst her and her siblings. They expressed in a variety of ways silently until one of the younger children decided to break the silence.

Usually the cycle continues as the mother’s programming to be with a man for stability causes one of two scenarios:

Scenario One: she closes her heart and demonizes men alienating her children by being obsessively overprotective and dysfunctionally relating to her former abuser. She sees him move on with other women finally landing a new wife quickly causing her to completely withdraw and suppress rage and sadness.

Scenario Two: The Mother becomes outwardly put together whilst silently suffering mentally, physically and emotionally expressing in breast cancer, diabetes, functional alcoholism or other substance abuse, fawns and “remarries well” continuing the cycle of doing what is expected and accepted and raising another unhealed trauma bonding generation.

In both scenarios the mother dies young, meaning before 70, from complications from poor health choices or unprocessed emotional issues. There are a variety and range of these above scenarios which all lead to the same unhealed place to the detriment of all women.

What if:

Instead the mother is working on her own healing from all angles (emotionally, sexually, physically, mentally and spiritually)and reclaims her own heart with kindness and compassion. She becomes a whole person, a self-nurturing human who is a role model for her children’s healing. Maneuvering their individual traumas with kindness, compassion, peace, love and joy becomes a full time job for the mother. Having the courage to confront and heal her sexual trauma is the point of opening which creates inner harmony, deep healing and joy. In fact the healing is a reclamation of her humanity and releases of societal “good girl” programming for emotional, mental, spiritual and overall liberation.

She becomes a beacon of light for her children and everyone she encounters seemingly unscathed by the decades of physical, emotional, financial and spiritual abuse.

Simultaneously the father continues to divide and conquer and collective resistance to processing trauma with his narcissistic dismissal and continual blame of the mother. He even brings in a new wife to pretend to love and care for the boys more.

The boys struggle to reclaim their sovereignty with the mirror of the father’s new wife. They begin to express concern for their sisters and compassion for their mother again toggling the delicate relationship with their dad with whom they live.

The mother from a healed space continues to override the father’s attempts to perpetuate the dysfunction ushering in a very short time a new era for the family especially the next generation.

Her choice of self-nurturing, loving kindness and joy magnetizes the same in her children, helping them to reprogram their conditioning from self-loathing, bullying, infighting to self-compassion, collective valuing and loving of one another.

Self-nurturing is the highest form of self-forgiveness.

Every time I invite you to choose joy and pleasure it is an invocation of creating inner harmony which radiates and changes families…beginning with your family.

Forgiveness isn’t about pretending the pain didn’t happen. It’s about releasing its grip so you can finally breathe again. So much of what we call protection is really just armor that blocks intimacy. When you forgive — yourself, others, even the circumstances — you make space for love to live again.

Healing requires courage. It asks you to lay down your defense and pick up your softness. Because the heart can’t heal while it’s hiding behind the story of what was.

💫 Let today be a release.
Breathe out what no longer belongs to you.

If you resonate with any of the scenarios above or the unspoken ones in between, join my Ultimate Joy Goddess Community.